My Short Story, just for fun : ) Any comments appreciated!!?

If you wrote your story when you were a Freshman in high school, I think that it's really quite good. It's well-written, literate, grammatically correct, punctuated properly, with no glaring errors in spelling. Additionally, for a short story it is intriguing, exciting, and, as you have created the plot, believable. You appear to have knowledge of your subject. When I read, I always notice discrepancies or inconsistencies in the plot which will cause me to question its rationale or distract me from enjoying it; although your story might possibly have been unrealistic, you have written it so that it seems plausible. I don't know what your aspirations are for it, but I do think that it is better by far than most of what I've read posted here.